If you’ve ever felt overly anxious about whether someone likes you or worried that you might be “too much” in relationships, you’re definitely not alone. Anxious attachment isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a real attachment style that can impact the way we connect with others, often leaving us feeling insecure, needy, or worried about rejection.
The good news? There are some incredible books out there that dive deep into this topic, helping you understand why you feel the way you do and, most importantly, how to feel more secure and confident. Whether you’re looking to improve your romantic relationships, understand your friendships, or just get to know yourself better, this list of books on anxious attachment has something for everyone.
Absolutely! Let’s continue with the next section. This will be the overview of anxious attachment to provide readers with context before diving into the book recommendations.
Understanding Anxious Attachment and Its Effects
Anxious attachment is one of the primary attachment styles that can shape how we connect and communicate with others. If you’ve ever caught yourself overthinking a text, worrying if you said the wrong thing, or feeling uneasy when a partner doesn’t respond quickly, that might be the anxious attachment style at work. This attachment style often stems from early relationships with caregivers but can show up in adult relationships too, making it tricky to feel calm and secure when there’s uncertainty.
The key here isn’t to feel discouraged but to understand that anxious attachment isn’t a flaw—it’s just one way our minds try to protect us from feeling hurt or disconnected. By recognizing the patterns of anxious attachment and learning new tools for managing it, you can actually start to break free from that constant worry, building stronger, more fulfilling relationships in the process.
This is where books on anxious attachment come in! They’re packed with insights and advice from therapists, psychologists, and people who’ve been there, helping readers like you understand the roots of anxious attachment and take meaningful steps toward healing and growth.
Top 10 Best Books on Anxious Attachment
Each of these books offers a unique perspective on anxious attachment and practical advice to help you work through it. Take a look and see which ones resonate with you!
1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Attached is often one of the first books recommended to people interested in understanding attachment styles, and for good reason. Written by psychiatrist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller, this book breaks down the basics of attachment theory in a straightforward, easy-to-digest way. Levine and Heller cover the main attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and secure) and offer practical tips to help readers build healthier relationships. The book includes quizzes and real-life examples to help you understand where you fit and what you can do to feel more secure.
Key Takeaways:
- Learn how different attachment styles affect relationship dynamics.
- Practical advice for working with, rather than against, your attachment style.
- Real-world examples and quizzes to identify your attachment type and navigate relationships.
2. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin
Stan Tatkin’s Wired for Love takes a unique look at attachment theory by blending it with neurobiology. This book is perfect for couples wanting to work through anxious attachment together. Tatkin’s insights help readers understand why they react the way they do in relationships, especially when faced with conflict. Through practical exercises and relatable scenarios, Tatkin explains how partners can support each other and build a sense of safety and security.
Key Takeaways:
- Techniques for navigating conflict by understanding each other’s brains.
- How attachment and neurobiology shape behavior in relationships.
- Exercises designed for couples to build trust and security.
3. The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller
If you’re looking for a deeper, healing-centered approach, The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller might be the right fit. Heller, a trauma expert, explores how past trauma can play into anxious attachment, offering exercises for building self-confidence and secure connections. This book goes beyond relationships and delves into self-awareness, making it a great resource for anyone wanting to understand their inner world.
Key Takeaways:
- Insightful connection between trauma and attachment styles.
- Healing exercises for self-awareness and building secure attachments.
- Practical advice for improving both romantic and personal relationships.
4. Anxious in Love: How to Manage Your Anxiety, Reduce Conflict, and Reconnect with Your Partner by Carolyn Daitch and Lissah Lorberbaum
This book is tailored specifically for people in relationships who experience anxiety and attachment issues. Anxious in Love combines cognitive-behavioral techniques and mindfulness exercises, offering clear steps to help manage the fear and overthinking that often come with anxious attachment. Daitch and Lorberbaum include real-life stories and scenarios to make the concepts relatable and actionable, making it a great pick for couples looking to navigate relationship anxiety together.
Key Takeaways:
- Step-by-step CBT and mindfulness techniques to manage relationship anxiety.
- Scenarios and exercises to practice as a couple or individually.
- Tips for creating a calm, reassuring relationship environment.
5. Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
Jessica Fern’s Polysecure brings a fresh perspective by exploring how attachment theory applies to non-traditional relationships. This book is especially valuable for those in polyamorous or open relationships but is helpful for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of attachment and its link to trauma and emotional security. Fern explains how to build secure attachments across multiple relationships and includes tips for addressing attachment wounds.
Key Takeaways:
- A unique take on attachment for nonmonogamous relationships.
- Insight into how trauma impacts attachment and relationships.
- Exercises for building secure connections, regardless of relationship structure.
6. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson, the developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), guides readers through the ways attachment theory can create stronger, more meaningful relationships. Johnson presents “seven conversations” that help partners connect more deeply, making this book an excellent resource for couples wanting to work together to address anxious attachment in their relationship.
Key Takeaways:
- Techniques for building connection and trust through seven guided conversations.
- Practical advice on handling relationship stress and conflict.
- Insights into the emotional needs behind anxious attachment.
7. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
This book is a powerful read for those whose anxious attachment stems from childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable parents. Gibson explains how childhood dynamics can influence adult relationships and offers insights for healing and setting boundaries. Though not exclusively about anxious attachment, it’s invaluable for understanding how early experiences shape attachment and developing healthier relationship patterns.
Key Takeaways:
- Insight into how emotionally immature parenting affects adult attachment.
- Strategies for healing childhood wounds and setting boundaries.
- Exercises to develop self-compassion and emotional resilience.
8. Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller
An insightful audiobook by Diane Poole Heller, Healing Your Attachment Wounds provides readers with therapeutic exercises aimed at understanding and healing attachment wounds. It’s a practical guide for those ready to actively work on their attachment style, with a focus on cultivating secure attachment in romantic relationships and beyond.
Key Takeaways:
- Interactive exercises designed to promote healing and self-awareness.
- Techniques for transforming anxious attachment into secure attachment.
- Practical advice for establishing boundaries and emotional security.
9. The Attachment Theory Workbook: Powerful Tools to Promote Understanding, Increase Stability, and Build Lasting Relationships by Annie Chen
This workbook by Annie Chen is packed with exercises, quizzes, and insights designed to help you understand and apply attachment theory in your everyday life. Whether you’re looking to better understand yourself, improve your relationships, or work through anxious attachment, this workbook provides structured steps and exercises to guide you.
Key Takeaways:
- Self-assessment tools for understanding your attachment style.
- Exercises to build emotional resilience and secure attachment.
- Techniques for navigating relationship challenges with confidence.
Perfect for readers who want an interactive approach to working on anxious attachment.
10. Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried—and What You Can Do About It by Leslie Becker-Phelps
Insecure in Love is a compassionate guide for people who struggle with anxious attachment, focusing specifically on managing feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and neediness in romantic relationships. Becker-Phelps offers practical steps and advice to help readers develop a more secure sense of self, making it easier to build lasting, meaningful connections.
Key Takeaways:
- Techniques for reducing anxiety and insecurity in relationships.
- Steps to shift from anxious to secure attachment.
- Tips for creating healthier, more balanced relationships.
Ideal for anyone struggling with anxious thoughts in love and looking to build a stronger, more confident self.
How to Choose the Right Book for Your Journey with Anxious Attachment
With so many great options, it can be tough to pick just one! Here’s a quick guide to help you decide which book might be the best fit for your personal journey with anxious attachment.
New to Attachment Theory?
If you’re just starting to explore attachment styles, look for beginner-friendly books like Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. These books explain the basics in clear, easy-to-understand language, making them perfect for those just getting familiar with the concepts.
Looking to Deepen Self-Awareness?
If you’re interested in understanding yourself better or exploring how past experiences impact your attachment style, consider Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson or The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller. These books dive deeper into the roots of attachment issues and offer insights for healing.
Want Practical Tools for Relationships?
For those looking for hands-on advice and actionable strategies to improve their relationships, Anxious in Love and The Attachment Theory Workbook offer exercises, tips, and scenarios tailored to help you manage anxious attachment in romantic relationships.
Healing from Past Trauma?
If you’re ready to work on healing attachment wounds and building emotional resilience, Healing Your Attachment Wounds by Diane Poole Heller provides a workbook-style approach with therapeutic exercises that address trauma and anxious attachment.
In a Non-Traditional Relationship?
For readers exploring attachment in polyamorous or non-traditional relationships, Polysecure by Jessica Fern is an excellent choice, offering unique insights into attachment theory within nonmonogamy.
